Kalyani part - 4

Next I went to coaching centre and coach asked us to wear training bra.one of the girls pointed out that I was also the only person my age on the team not wearing at least a training bra. The team coach consulted my mother on this over the phone. In short order we went over to the towns rather low quality little mall and the small clothing department store. With the whole team tagging along we headed for the bras. I was quite happy to look at the bras and admire their styles. Fit never entered my Mind until after our coach started to turn down some of my suggestions. I was going for prettiness. She was going for fit.

Now, I'd be worried about all this. But another point of view , it was perfectly normal. No one had gone to too much trouble explaining to me the lives of ordinary boys. I am playing with 14 other girls in the team in a small close knit community. Not all of the town knew about me but I suppose most of the women did. They did not express a problem with it, so I with nothing transmitted over to me, I was aware I was not a typical boy, but did not have a problem with that. So I was quite happy to be given a bra to wear. I picked out several which I tried on under the experienced eye of my team coach (and was peeped at by several of the girls through the change room curtain). I was given a nice pink silky smooth bra and another plain white one that just did not appeal to me.

The next one was the party of the oldest team member, who was going to move on up to the senior team. I was invited along with the rest of the team. Invariably in a moment of adult lack of supervision several girls asked to see my bra so I showed them. It was not a sexual or dare thing, just curiosity. But several of the girls felt at the fabric, and hence also rubbed their hands over my chest. A stunning revelation for me! The oldest girl of the team who was 16 came into the room and saw what was happening but just giggled and rescued me from the rest of the girls. She told me that sooner or later I'd be asking girls to do that.

 Next week is my 12th birthday our team went off to play in another town. I worse a dress all the time and quite enjoyed it. It was quite strange for some of the mothers who were acting as chaperones to call me by my name even though I was wearing a dress. They never adopted a girls name for me the first game so I just played and they just called for passes. As our team won our first game and I had participated towards the win, I attracted a bit of attention at the after game meet. I was introduced as Kalyani.

There was some members of the opposite team who quite obviously thought I was a boy, I looked a lot like a girl with long hair and all, but I sounded like a boy. Someone obviously complained of unfair play. But my coach was ready for that. I was called into a room and asked to bare my breasts for some strange lady. 

Obviously shy I did expose my partially see through bra but that was it. The other coach was satisfied I was a girl and that was the end of that.

 I was often questioning my own gender. I was not sure what I was. I generally accepted that I was not quite a boy and really wanted to be a girl. There was some confusion over me among the girls who knew my secret.

The day after we arrived back home we went around to the coach's house for a small celebration or making the state finals. Some girls got period and  At first we talked about periods which scared me because I hate the sight of blood. It was pointed out that it was unlikely I would have periods.

Next we talked about breasts and how they developed and so on. It was a bit of a surprise when the coach removed the top of her bathing suit and bared her breasts. The conversation continued on, turning to the topic of menstruation and then invariably what boys were like. 

I received 6 bras and a nightgown from various people as gifts, including some from team members for my birthday.

Now I want to higher secondary school , Our area  had 2 high schools. A co-ed one, and a girls only semi-religious school that had once been a prestigious school but was now taking any girl it could get. I dont have options , I need to join co- ed school. There was an all boys school in the next town over where many boys from our town were abussed me  day. There was a lot of talk about me having to just stick it out in the coed school, but it was felt I would face a lot of harassment and bullying. So that was ruled out. There was some talk of home schooling, about putting me into the girls school but that was considered too ridiculous considering that I sounded like a boy.

Holidays is over , My mother finally asked me what I wanted, and I was quite firm. I did not want to stay at home all day. I wanted to go to school with my friends. I never had a boy as a friend, only girls. All of the other girls in the team who were old enough to go to high school went to the girls school. So I wanted to go to the girls school. Apart from anything else, I liked the uniform. I have always liked dresses and was just dying to be able to wear real tights.

Mom utold I can understand I caused a lot of concern.

There was inevitable problems with the school's staff. Where you will   go to the toilet? What about if I needed to change. Many of the mothers of other girls on the our team apparently came to my defence. They explained how I used the same toilets and change rooms as their girls and there had never been any problems or goings on (that they knew of). I was trooped up before the principal. I was asked to undress to my underwear and inspected. I was then marched out again. I believe they showed some video of me playing volleyball  in a dress, because my mother came home frantically looking for it.

I know it they will not allow and mom begged them and she explained about me , before joining boys bullying and some people harrassing my son and she cried lot and principal said , I will allow .I was allowed into the school. Several mothers had threatened to pull out their girls if I was not allowed in. 

But there were strict rules. I was to use the name Kalyani, I was to wear the school uniform, I was confined to using one toilet area only and would change separately from the girls during PE. I was to refrain from talking when visitors attended the school and I must wear make up.

I was not at all happy about wearing make up. I never took to it. Despite being brought up much as a girl, I was still male in many aspects, and make up has never appealed to me.  my sister taught me how to use lip stick. They also taught me a few subtle tricks of being a girl, like folding my skirt under me when I sat down like all girly things.